Can't Stop The Rain
by AddieGreysPPPlover9119
Summary: AU 3x07-5x22. Prelude to "Finding Our Way Back Drifting " Addison's POV based on a song by Jennifer Hudson. Addison and Sam grieve the death of their unborn son. VERY angsty.


**"Can't Stop the Rain"**

**Hey guys, I'm back with a new fanfic-yay! Its apart of this HUGE Addisam fanfic I'm currently working on. I decided to role play it out to help with the writing process. This note is based on a song by Jennifer Hudson-who me and Emm both LOVE. I tweaked they lyrics a bit and it's told from Addison's POV. So here's the set up So it's AU, set like mid season 3 and then goes through seasons 4 and 5. Addison and Sam happened let's say like...after their kiss in 3x07, but she tried to deny her feelings like she did on the show (she and Pete NEVER happened but she did sleep with Mark and they almost got married). So, Addison and Sam start seeing each other-but in secret. Things are okay-until Naomi finds out. She flips out and doesn't speak to them for a while. Violet recovers sooner and write her book much sooner than it does on the show, which means they dissolve the practice towards the end of season 3 just before Maya's accident or inbetween seasons 3 and 4. Sometime during the new changes with the practice, Addison gets pregnant, which Sam is NOT happy about because like on the show, Sam doesn't want/ isn't ready for kids yet because he's still dealing with Maya getting Pregnant/Married/Almost dying so...he's not exactly thrilled about Addison having a baby. Ella, who's 4 turning 5 around the time Addison gets pregnant, doesn't really know Addison's pregnant or doesn't understand what's going on. One night when Addison's about 7 months, she and Sam go out to dinner. They're arguing about the baby when out of nowhere a drunk driver slams into their car(sound familar). Addison lives and so does the baby, but only for about 10 days,which is the amount of time Addison spends in a coma. On the day she wakes up she gets to see her son, a boy, before he dies. On the day of SJ's (Samuel Michael Montgomery-Bennett Jr)funeral, Addison sleeps with Mark and Sam catches them. After that Addison and Sam break up for a significant period of time(during that time Charlotte's Rape and Pete's heart attack happen). Addison quits working at the practice and takes on a job as head of the NICU at St. Ambrose and sells Amelia her beach and moves away. It takes a while but, Sam and Addison get back together. The song is set on the anniversary of SJ's death...The end of the song paints a picture of what happened on the night of SJ's death. I own NOTHING accept the storyline. All credit goes to Shonda Rhimes/Jennifer Hudson. **

**Happy Reading**

**Xoxo, Dee**

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

Oh Oh, Oh, Oh

27th of May, he died a year ago today

He's crying on my shoulder and begging me to make the hurting go away

Pretty brown eyes, tears full of guilt, a heart full of pain and fear

I wanna tell him it's okay but I feel like he's the reason he's not here.

I keep on crying, but it doesn't seem to help at all

(seem to help at all)

With every single tear drop, it's like another raindrop falls

And I would

(and I would)

if I could

(if I could)

but the try would be in vain

(the try would be in vain)

Said so matter what I do... I can't stop the rain

So I cry Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

If I could, you know I would... but the try would be in vain

So I cry Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

At the gravesite looking at his name, he can't take his eyes off,

I know it's hard and it's heavy and he's filled with the guilt of thinking he's why his life was lost

I feel bad for him, but I'm having mixed emotions 'cause he was my child

Somewhere in the deepest darkest part of my mind I wish it was him that died that night

Ooooh...

I keep on crying, but it doesn't seem to help at all

(seem to help at all)

With every single tear drop, it's like another raindrop falls

(raindrop falls)

And I would

(and I would)

if I could

(if I could)

but the try would be in vain

(the try would be in vain)

Said so matter what I do... I can't stop the rain

So I cry Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

If I could, you know I would... but the try would be in vain

So I cry Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

One rainy Friday night, an angry trip dinner

Arguing and fighting yelling all around We both said things we didn't mean

I yelled at him and he yelled back at me and then he made me cry

glaring at me not at the road a car came out of no where

And the car flipped about three times

Oooooooh...

I keep on crying, but it doesn't seem to help at all

(seem to help at all)

With every single tear drop, it's like another raindrop falls

And I would

(and I would)

if I could

(if I could)

but the try would be in vain

(the try would be in vain)

Said so matter what I do

(what I do)

I can't stop the rain

So I cry Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

(Oh I cry )Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

If I could, you know I would... but the try would be in vain

So I cry Oooooooh... I can't stop the rain

(stop the rain)

FLASHBACK-May 27, 2010

Time: between 10:02 a.m. and 7:23 p.m.

10:02 a.m.

It's raining. She HATES the rain, she's hated since she moved to Seattle. So naturally she complained when he suggested they go out to dinner.

"Why? It's supposed to rain tonight"

"Ugh Addison, can't I can't do something nice for my girlfriend and the mother of my child?"

"Oh so NOW I'm the mother of your child?" she smirks rolling her eyes

"Just...get dressed, we're leaving at 7"

"What about Ella?"

"Amelia's agreed to watch her"

With that she can't really argue. It takes her longer to get dressed these days because she gets tired easily which makes him impatient.

6:15 p.m.

"Addison, we're gonna be late!"

"Well I'm sorry but it takes me a bit longer to get ready these days you know being pregnant and all" she says gesturing towards her now 7 month stomach.

"Can you just...go a little faster"

"I'm going as fast as I can Sam!"

The rest of the evening is spent with them bickering and making snarky comments at one another.

7:00 p.m.

They're finally ready to go but as soon as he opens the door, it's raining. He rolls his eyes as he gets an umbrella from the hall closet.

"Told you it was supposed to rain tonight" she mutters as they head out the door. The drive is relatively quiet. He's driving and she's texting.

7:13 p.m.

"Can you put that away?"

"Why?"

"This is supposed to be a night about us"

"Us? Oh NOW there's an "us"" She says rolling her eyes

"Why do you have make this difficult?"

"It shouldn't BE difficult Sam it's not like you're a first time parent this shouldn't be difficult...I'm 7 months pregnant, this baby, you SON will be here before you know it"

"Please don't remind me" he mumbles which causes her to smack his arm and then turn away from him and he KNOWS she crying

"Addison I..."

"Would you have been happy if, if I'd had...If I had...an abortion?" she asks quietly still unable to look at him because she doesn't want him to see her crying.

"No Addison I wouldn't have been happy"

"I think you would have in fact I bet you wish I had never gotten pregnant don't you?"

"...I never said that Addie"

"You didn't have to but you may as well have with the way you've been acting"

"If you don't want this baby I told you what you can do Sam"

"Please don't remind me Addison"

The truth? He wants to leave but he can't. He's never been a man to run out on his "obligations" because that's what this is to him…an obligation. She however has told him more than once, in fact she's reminding him now that he can just…

7:19 p.m.

"Leave Sam! Im giving you a way out, I don't want your money, you don't have to give me anything you can just go! I've been raising Ella on my own since I left Seattle and we've been just fine! I can raise this baby without you!"

7:20 p.m.

She's still yelling at him about how she feels like such a fool for letting herself fall in love with him and how he's broken his promise to "not hurt her" which he has, time and time again. But she's like this unattainable dream. You know the dream EVERYONE has but absolutely NO ONE can reach-yeah that's her. He's pretty much zoned out on her constant banter until he hears her say...

7:21 p.m.

"Mark Sloan has been twice the father you'll ever be to this baby" and with that he snaps, telling her...

7:22 p.m.

"Well then goddammit Addison why don't you go and be with him then! Let Sloan help you raise the baby!"

7:23 p.m.

But before she can answer he's met with silence as a drunk driver has run his car through a red light and plowed into Sam's car-striking Addison's side of the car causing them to spin out of control and the car to topple over.

The last thing he can hear are her screams…

10 DAYS LATER

Her eyes slowly begin to flutter open as she's nearly blinded by bright lights. Slowly, shapes and faces and colors stop being so fuzzy and things begin to come into focus. And the first voice she hears is his.

"That's it Addie wake up" he says softly.

She can feel his warm hand which gently lays across hers causing a perfect contour of how truly different they are to come into form. She slowly turns her head towards his but is met with a sharp pain.

"Ouch. My head hurts" she rasps.

Suddenly she's met with another all too familiar voice

"It's expected to hurt. You had brain surgery Addie" her eyes connect with his at the sound of his voice.

"Derek? What are you doing here? What the hell happened?" she questions as she tries to sit up instantly feeling pain and looking down in horror as she sees her now flat stomach, which was round when she woke up that morning. She'd felt her son kick her causing her to tell Naomi

"I swear he's gonna be some type of athlete" causing the dark haired black woman to chuckle softly.

"My baby, where is he?" she asks as she scans the room to not only find out that Derek is there, but so is Mark, Ella, Callie, Miranda, Archer, The Captain, Naomi, Jake, Charlotte, Pete, Violet, Cooper and a very worried Arizona who informs her of the strange turn of events that have happened.

"Addison, you were in a serious car crash almost 2 weeks ago; Naomi and Jake had to do an emergency C-Section"

"And the baby, where is he? Is he okay? Is he alive?"

She's met with the saddest pair of blue eyes she thinks she's ever seen and silence

"Arizona…"

More silence

"Dr. Robbins! Where the hell is my son?"

Arizona takes in a deep breath and begins to tell Addison exactly what has happened while she was unconscious. But she's doing it as if Addison isn't competent enough to understand which annoys her.

"Tell me the truth Robbins, give it to me straight. Tell me the honest truth, I'm a professional I can handle it"

"Addie right now you're not a professional you're a…"

"Shut up! Just shut up! Robbins I want the truth" she says shutting Sam up as Arizona gives her the worst news possible: her baby isn't going to make it; the impact of the crash has been unbearable on his 1 pound 8 ounce body. They've kept him alive this long through sheer will power. They didn't want him to die without Addison properly being able to meet and painfully say goodbye to her son all in the same day. She's seen a case like this only once maybe, back when she was a resident in Manhattan working at Lennox Hill. She knows that his organs are basically shit at this point because he's been hooked up to a ventilator for nearly 2 weeks. So she painfully tells Arizona,

"Pull the plug, he's suffered long enough".

Alex Karev wheels her down to the NICU-her area, her once "happy place" where a lone rocking chair sits next to an incubator with "Montgomery-Bennett" scrawled across the top. Naomi and Callie help her into the rocking chair while Arizona and Karev unplug the machines that have been keeping her son alive. It's as if her heart is violently and repeatedly stabbed as Arizona walks forward holding what she believes it the tiniest baby she's ever seen and gently places him into her arms for the first and last time. This was NOT how she imagined they'd meet. She would go into labor at around 38 or 39 weeks (she was barely 29 weeks at the time of the accident) the labor would be hell. She yell and scream and express her severe disdain and hatred for Sam until they gave her an epidural which would subside the bitchiness and calm her down.

She'd push and push and push until his cries filled the room. At that point Sam would cut the cord, he'd be cleaned and weighed while either Jake or Naomi delivered the afterbirth. Once all of that was done, he'd be placed into her arms and she would stare down at him in amazement just as she had Ella. She'd probably lean over and give Sam a kiss- quick and chaste. Then her attention would be fully diverted back to what she would call "the most handsome man on the planet". THAT was how it was SUPPOSED to go, but like Bizzy had always annoyingly reminded them "People Plan and God Laughs". She was beginning to wonder if there was a God out there because this, what she was feeling, this wasn't of God. No, holding her son in her arms while he struggled to breathe WAS NOT a part of Addison Forbes Montgomery's plans for bringing her second child into the world.

But instead of breaking down-which is what she wants to do right now, that and blame God, and everyone else around her and the bastard who did this, She becomes a Montgomery-a softer version of a Montgomery. She holds her son, SJ as she called him while he was he was still protected inside of her womb, and whispers soft words to him as she gently strokes his cheek.

"Hi little guy, hi my sweet baby. You held on long enough to meet me? Mommy loves you so much SJ and Im so sorry that this happened to you. Im so sorry baby. I love you so much SJ. I wish I could've done more to help you"

she looks up for a moment to see that all of her friends and family have gathered around the NICU to watch this painful goodbye between mother and son. She scans the room to see if Sam is there, but she is reassured that he's there when she feels his hand on her shoulder; he's been standing there, right behind her the entire time. Even though he's been a complete ass, he's there, being her rock, the glue that holds her together.

SJ breathes on his own, but barely for nearly 40 minutes until she hears him rasping for air. His chest begins to rise and fall much slower, as she's had a finger on his chest feeling his heartbeat. She's strong, until she can no longer feel his chest rising and falling. Once she hears that final exhale of breath, she completely loses it. It has been rumored that her cries can still be heard on the NICU ward of St. Ambrose Hospital (but it's just a myth). Once the nurses take him away, Sam moves closer to her, trying to hold her, but she doesn't want his pity, all she wants is her son…


End file.
